So now it's time for all my hard work to pay off to try to save up the Christmas Spirit for the time being and now say MERRY CHRISTMAS DARLINGS! Also I want to include in a hilarious mention of our Non-Denominational Celebration of other Holidays too including the Religious ones. So let's look into some of the Holdiays you can celebrate too if you're too impatient for Christmas not coming yet or what other winter Holidays to look forward to. (PS. This is PG-13 for swearing like a sailor at some parts of this Post. But have fun!)
Hannukah: So we're gonna start with the popular, Hannukah. Basically, a bunch of Jews savaged the destroyed Temple of Solomon. With oil they thought would last for one day, lasted 8 to bring light and sight from the destruction. So thus Jews get 8 days of presents while we get one. It's not fair for you but deal with it. Also they have that song about Driedel and that's a fun gambling game I heard.
Yule: So here's the Pagan Holiday Yule, where your Yule Logs come from. Celebrated by the Getmanic people and tribe prior to the formation of the Holy Roman Empire, featured the decoration of trees and burning a Yule log for wishes which translated over to our Christmas when Albert gave Victoria Christmas trees on their Christmases as husband and wife. But anyway, this was a two month long holiday and current scholars decided front Julian to Gregorian that it’s from Late November to Early Janurary.
Saturnalia: Ah Saturnalia. This is the most pagan and most life affirming holiday of all. But it was filled with all sorts of debauchery. You got Crossdressers, open Homosexual and Heterosexual orgies, slaves are all free, rampant gambling abounded, lots of crazy stuff happened as it was more a bacchanal of desire and pleasure over actual religious devotion to Saturn and the early Christians hated it. Like they did not like Saturnalia and found it shaming. But well over time, they decided, if you beat them, join them (with a more chaste attitude). We Celebrate it on December 17th through December 23rd. (according to the Julian Calender, we wouldn't get Gregorian for over a millennia.)
Three Kings Day: So this minor Catholic Holiday celebrates Balthazar, Caspar, and Melchior, the 3 Kings/Wise Men who founded Baby Jesus. The holiday itself was traditionally celebrated on the 6th of January but Catholics usually celebrate the Sunday after January 1st. Primarily a tradition is to eat a special Cake in reverence to the 3 Kings. But for those of our friends living in Louisiana, you might know this day better as the Epiphany Day but also the begining of the Mardi Gras Season. Usually, Ephiphany celebrates 12th Night (Not the Shakespeare Play but I wouldn't doubt that's where the name might have came from since Christmas does have 12 days according to the Catholic calender.) So that's something to look forward to for religious, pagan, and secular reasons. (See this is educational and fun because you're gonna want to celebrate this stuff)
Krampusnacht: Celebrated on Dec. 6th, for those of your naught bratty children who don't behave, scare the shit out of them with Krampus. In fact, when I heard of Krampus, I think he needs to come back to haunt kids into being good when they keep being bad. Basically, if you watched the film Krampus or like me bothered to find out about mythological characters, Krampus is Santa's naughty version who beats the shit out of kids with the worst spankings of sticks wrapped together. If your kids don't want to be on his bad side, tell them to shape up. Also, it's kind of fun watching people dress up as him and scaring kids too.
Pancha Ganapati: This is a Hindu holiday that is their most recent holiday in accordance with American Culture so it mixes the holidays to have a feast time for the God Ganesha. For refreshment, Ganesha is the 4 armed elephant god, son of the god of Destruction Shiva and his wife Parvati. He also loves sweets and can be seen as a symbol of gluttony and purging for one of his famous stories comes from how he befriends a mouse who strays him away from temptation.
Chinese New Year: It's gonna be Year of the DOG BITCHES! IT'S MY YEAR! WOOOOF! Ok. Ok. Enough Showboating. So to make a long story short, 12 animals went to see the emperor and they all got years on a zodiac. (The Cat didn't get one because he's a dick and tried to trick the other animals. At least in one version.) So I'm just gonna list some facts about the Year of the Dog. It's gonna be for the Earth Dogs year, and begins February 18th so it's way past Christmas but it's still winter so we're counting it. Lucky colors are Red, Purple, and Green. Lucky Numbers are 3, 4, and 9. Also, I'm a Yang of the Yin/Yang dualism of Taoist culture. But yeah it's just fun to look at. Ok. On to the next holiday.
Advent: When I was Catholic, I celebrated every year of Advent and the Holiday is primarily the waiting for Christmas but the most important aspect of this holiday are the Sundays (no surprise there) and our Advent Wreath had 4 candles in it for the 4 Sundays before Christmas. 3 are purple and I forgot the significance of the pink one but it's lit on the 3rd Sunday as some important transition. Hold on a minute. (Looks up things) Oh apparently, it's the joy of waiting for Jesus' birth. You learn something new every day. Generally we celebrate on December 1st unless the Catholic Church decrees differently.
Festivus: It's gonna BE A FESTIVUS FOR THE REST OF US! Hahaha. Thank you Seinfeld for the stupid traditions of not ending until we wrestle for the end of the festival and the minimalistic parody of the Festivus Pole in tribute to the May Pole and other pagan/religious holidays with poles. Don't forget the Airing of Grievances where we openly bitch about how we hate certain people for things and get the FUCK over with it. And then we wrestle the man of the house to celebrate the end of Festivus. (Better hope he's weak or you're never getting that new XBOX Charlie) We celebrate this minimalist, Anti-commercial holiday on December 23rd.
Ok. Thad’s some of the holidays you can also celebrate if Christmas ain’t enough. Now go get stuck off your ass and celebrate!
No comments:
Post a Comment